Everything seemed to be in order. The ‘no payment in case of suicide’ clause in my life insurance had lapsed two years before. The house would be ...aid for. Olivia would get my VA widow’s benefits and all the money in our accounts. All I had to do now was write a letter saying good-by. With tears flowing down my cheeks, I wrote my good-bye. Dear Oli, I love you more than anything in the world. I’m so sorry for the pain I’ve caused you, for how much I’ve made you worry. I’ve taken care of. I found the book open by the side of my unmade bed. I closed it and brought it to him. He told me to stand facing Him and He read the entries--when I had gone to work, when I had gotten home, what the calorie count had been each day, what exercise I had done, if I had masturbated, if I had not masturbated--a star was supposed to accompany every entry where J had told me to masturbate for Him, etc. The logbook was up-to-date...through Wednesday...a fact He was just now discovering as my heart. This had to be a mistake I reasoned to myself, but I seemedto be in a predicament that was impossible to dismiss.I tried to state my case to the only thing I could, to the voice thatwas in my head. But whether it couldn't hear me or just didn't care,there wasn't any effect from any of the words I said.I realized I am totally different now. The voice said, "You willchange your ways."My body has changed, my clothes too. If it wasn't happening to me. Iwould be amazed.I took the time to look. There were a few chairs that were going to be put up in the attic and dad said the men could use them to sit on while they had their lunch break.they got the walls up for the attic and part of the roof then lunch time arrived and 4 of the 6 men left to get lunch then they would return to eat it, the other 2 had brought some sandwiches with them and as it was quite a warm day mum made them some lemonade and asked me to take it up to them as she had to run to the shops to get something for.
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